Editor’s Note: A lovely realization about the potentials included in professional life.
I was repeatedly told during my residency days that “It is hard to have a family.” I never once had a female mentor say, “It’s totally fine.”
My husband says, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” And so, it goes. I married a wonderful man and became pregnant just before the end of my orthopaedic residency program. This, of course, was also on the verge of my fellowship. My son will be five in September, and I cannot imagine life without him.
Needless to say, delivering a child during the second month of my fellowship was not part of the master plan. The fellowship director was supportive and encouraged me not to put the year off even though they’d never had a pregnant fellow. I had a difficult end of pregnancy and delivery. I took 8 weeks off, gave back some of my personal time, and stayed on an extra month to try to recover the precious lost weeks of fellowship training. In the end, it was “fine”. During that final month, the other experienced fellows had left so I was acting more like an attending. I was able to show the new fellows “the ropes” which was a real pleasure. The final month made it easier to transition into my busy future practice.
During my residency, there were no female role models with whom I had time to develop a deep connection. In my present role, I have a leadership position in my department and work with residents. I’ve gotten to be the person I would have valued having in my residency. And, yes, I have given birth a second time.
We are conditioned as dedicated students and residents to devote our time to activities which bring immediate benefits. For example, staying late to work on a research project and getting a publication out of it. Doing extra reading and gaining additional knowledge.
Personal relationships are not so linear. You can’t control them, and they have a less predictable outcome. Taking time for self and for personal relationships can seem professionally risky yet women often feel guilty if they don’t do it. The clock ticks and being able to have children later in life is less of a certainty.
After pondering these issues, I now see life as a series of stages. For me, having a marriage and family is one of them. I am so very glad I allowed the room for this joyous stage.
In my professional life, I am obligated to leave home for extended periods of time. Hence, I have the time and space to reflect on life and life’s choices. Here are my thoughts and advice:
• Life is short and it all happens fast.
• Value the moments you have to share with loved ones.
• Avoid taking your life and its joys for granted.
• Keep yourself accountable; journaling can be helpful or even writing a letter to yourself or a loved one as a future reference.
• It is okay to say no to the “big opportunities” early on in practice. You won’t let people down as much as you may think. Remember, that saying yes to many demanding activities can come at the expense of your personal happiness.
• Figure out your “sweet spot” professionally.
• If you want to have kids, make it a priority, and figure out what is necessary to make it work.
• To all current and future orthopaedic surgeons, if you have a child during your orthopaedic surgery training or career, all will be okay. By all, I mean you, your child, your family, and your career. It will be the most wonderful experience of your life but not one that is easy. Remember, nothing we have accomplished to this point has been without its challenges.