Editor’s Note: This is an honest account of how difficult it can be to navigate the unknown territory of training and early career.
“I look at life as a maze. Someone at each corner points to the next direction to go. Each was one of ‘my angels’.”
There were many times during my training when I felt utterly unaccepted and found it hard to keep moving forward. My “angels” appeared in a number of forms. Some were medical school mentors who were repeatedly available when I needed them. I would call and they would be supportive, advise, or suggest options.
One angel was a stranger who appeared out of nowhere on a beach when I was contemplating my future. He approached me and said, “You look bummed.” Being at an especially low point, I replied and told him he was right. He then said, “You’re at the bottom of the hierarchy right now but it will get better.” These words from an unbiased observer made sense. I decided to finish my orthopaedic training.
Other angels acted as sponsors and helped me move into educational opportunities and influential national committees.
One of my angels gave me away at my wedding. Such joy and honor!
There were a few “non-angels” who challenged me. Learning the culture of the new geographic location where I did my residency was painful. Asking questions about the validity of a way of thinking about a clinical problem or the manner of managing a problem was simply not done. Two examples:
1. “The trouble with you _________, is that you are from the _______ coast. I replied, Actually, I’m from the Midwest. His response, “There you go arguing with me again!”
2. “Why are you internally fixing this fracture?” This reasonable question was interpreted as a criticism. Later, I observed one of the more seasoned residents say, “Oh, that’s so cool, how did you decide to do that?” I eventually learned that it was all in the delivery and avoiding making others feel defensive.
Finally, a humorous anecdote. As a resident, I was standing on the operating table working to reduce a dislocated hip. As was necessary, I had the patient’s knee over my shoulder and pulled as hard as I could. The hip reduced and I went flying backwards off the table……onto my attending surgeon who was standing behind me watching.